Vulnerable

By definition vulnerable is susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm with synonyms of: helpless, defenseless, powerless, impotent, and weak. This was the ledge I was on for a brief moment last night.  My first day driving was amazing,  I was on cloud nine in my element and so in love with the open road until the time came to shut this machine down.  I felt powerful the entire time I was behind the wheel pushing all this weight.  I was in charge! Not so much in the cold wet dark of this rest area parked next to complete strangers,  sharing a bunking area with a man I just met 12 hours ago.  He seemed amazing until I realized I had to trust him and my surroundings with my eyes closed.  This has to be what children that go away to camp without friends feel like. I don't know that feeling because I only went to camp with my cousins. I had a built in safety net, family. This man is a stranger. I know the company trust him but can I?

I find myself stowed away in the restroom trying not to have a melt down. He probably thought I was doing number two!! In reality I was stuck between panic attack and hyperventilating,  I'm talking myself off the ledge unsuccessfully,  so I use one of my life lines and phoned my Mommy! Yes, I had a cry baby moment. Her first instinct was to call my trainer and go off Mama Bear in attack mode,  I assured her that I was OKAY
that this was just me being nervous but she didn't like the sound in my voice. Calming her down, calmed me down. Plus I gave her his number in case of an emergency so she might really call and make this situation worse.  Once she put her paws down she talked me through my plan (I've been burning her ear up with the details), reminded me that this part of training is only temporary and that the day will come soon that I'm actually sleeping on these roads ALONE and that now was my time to PRAY! You have to know my Mother to know that statement was HUGE but it worked.  I probably rested more last night than I have in past six months at home.

I recognize that I will have to take many safety precautions. Lighted areas, parking close to front, pepper spray or taser. A self defense class is in my very near future but the spirit of fear I have to leave behind and truly trust that no weapons formed against me shall prosper.  I know how to PRAY and that's my safe call!

On the road again... VA now headed to "Gots to B-more careful" that's for all my readers out there!

Group Hug have a blessed day!