Safehouse

I'm watching Safehouse and the plot slams me into the conclusion that it is almost always someone in house that betrays you. The ones that you consider allies; who are willing to inflate their ego at the expense of your pain. The ones you feel closest to are usually the worst, as long as your suffering makes them superior. Amazing how quickly a house divides when you opt not to think the same. Try standing up when everyone else is sitting; rapidly the smoke will rise in an attempt to suffocate your mind, your version must be hazy and couldn't possibly be right. An opinion disrespected, behavior never validated. Just because you didn't do it their way, rebel you're labeled. There is nothing safe about the safehouse ran by clones, prepared to betray your speech in an effort to keep the fog in the windows, so no one sees that they're full of bull@#$!.

Red light, Green light

Relax...you didn't get where you are overnight so don't get discouraged if it takes awhile to either back track or find a different route. They wouldn't have invented wrong way signs or u-turns if we all got it right from the moment the light turned green. Stop speeding up at the yellow lights they are designed to help us slow down and take in the view; serving as the warning we may need to make a different turn. STOP...at all the red lights this is idle time to be completely still before deciding on your next move. Try taking your morning drive without the distraction of the radio and I bet you will amuse yourself at all the new discoveries between each red light. Life is not a race with only left turns, but a journey with a million routes home; just because green means go doesn't mean you have to speed through life.

Wasted time

I'm sitting in this family law workshop wondering why must I do all the work? Trying to keep a positive attitude about this one will be hard. While I'm not arguing, today I'm heated. Angry at the fact that I have to jump through hoops to bring resolution to something I didn't want to conclude. Why must I go above and beyond to end what you destroyed, while you keep on moving as if this is a mere oversight. I always wonder how people sleep at night knowing they are not playing nice...my selective choice of words so I don't name call. I'm counting to 10 forward and backwards while rubbing my ears, Woosah...because we have nothing to fight over since your signature is free, but instead I have to keep wasting my time while you move on just fine.

Only God can Judge

I'm in court today and I watch first hand how it's less about the law and more about the mood. Judges are truly people that make decisions based on their good or bad days. I'm sure it's not like this for all, but today I couldn't help wonder where she had misplaced her common sense. A couple in front of her discussing a child support case; the father has with him the payment but has not submitted it due to his confusion...should he pay the mother directly or child support agency since the mother has opened a case. The agency tells him all monies go through them, the judge says I told you to pay the mother, "my instructions are like the bible." Now he finds himself in a catch 22, because his balance will continue to rise over at child support while the judge plays superiority games. In the mist of her God like complex she refuses to hear this man say he has money in hand and a letter showing that he is now gainfully employed, but instead opts to lock him up for not paying the mother directly before court. Now we've all heard tales of paying direct gone bad, but the man had money in hand. He is hauled down and through continued talks the mom hesitantly ask how will locking him up help? Taking his freedom will just push him further behind resulting in him losing the job he just found. As if in shock the judge says, "so you would like for me to let him go?" Well yes because he can't try to pay from behind bars.

Bravo, I silently applaud because if I could have spoken that would be my argument. Fast forward she brings him back up for release, but the handcuffs are not removed until the lecture ends; all the while I'm shaking my head at the fact that just because she sits up high on that bench it made it okay for her to turn a death ear to this man's humble display of proof that he is complying, but all of us were forced to listen to her childhood tales of what it means to sacrifice. I understand the law, but I get why God is our only judge because people err based on their own beliefs making them prejudice about how they view life should go.

Face Value

I use to live by the motto that I will trust you until you prove me wrong. Trust wasn't something I made people earn or work for, I gave it freely. Unfortunately once betrayed I never learned to trust that person again and sadly found myself making others serve out that persons punishment. I now understand that I should not have placed my trust in people, but instead placed my faith in God. I posted this quote by Gary Zukav a few days ago... "When you welcome your emotions as teachers, every emotion brings good news, even the ones that are painful" and what I believe this to mean is that we don't have to stop letting people in just because we have some bad experiences, it wasn't them we were placing our trust in because they are only human and will disappoint us. However we should trust that not one single person enters our life without a purpose and if we operate with a God like love, we accept his words that we all fall down. He knew that Peter would deny him but washed his feet anyway. If we stop placing our expectations in man and lean only to God for our understanding then we will accept people at face value, gaining freedom to love them just as they are. God and many others accept and love us and contrary to what you and I believe, we are not perfect; just perfectly made by our father who welcomes us just as we are.

Stages

The last two days I've been forced to think about the different stages in life. We rush to become adults and then wish we could turn back the hands of time. Well I'm in that space as my daughter and I visit perspectives college campuses. I'm excited for the next stage of her life and at the same time I wish I had more time in this phase to accomplish more things on the "this will make you the best parent ever list" okay I just made that up, but as parents I'm sure many of you can relate to wanting more time with your child to redo some previous mistakes or to expose them to more before they tackle this big world. Well I'm quickly learning to let myself off the hook, ironically I'm letting my own parents off the hook as well because I now understand that we do the best we can, with what we have and with all the love in our hearts. I'm so proud that she is an awesome child. This makes me comfortable knowing she will be an amazing adult and our next phase will leave room for our relationship to continue to grow in a different direction.

Drive

Some people are born in drive, they know what they want out of life and just how to get it. Others dream about what they want, but can't put the best laid out plan into action. While many of us who are stuck somewhere between waking from the dream but not totally living the life; stand in our own way and flip flop from self motivator to complacent settler. I started a list of goals and only one have I been absolutely true to; the others I've started out strong even rearranged some habits, but only one have I accomplished each and every day. However, I'm motivated enough to begin each day knowing that I have the self determination to keep trying to succeed at all the others and some days I find I'm doing all six and others not so much. Yet and still it is being absolute certain of just this one fact; you can have the best support system and the loudest cheerleaders, but if you don't have the will to motivate yourself then you will only go so far before you find yourself in park again, because you lack the drive. What will it take for you to keep pressing the gas in your life?