Giving God my hand

It's another restless night, I don't even try to sleep anymore; just a little rest I've learned to be grateful for. Here I am at the top of the morning writing tonight's blog, because the question asked was, "what are you stressed for?" I can't say a specific thing, I'm stressed over looking for peace. Isn't that just weird? It's like I'm watching my life from the sidelines. I go through all of the motions. I get up, I put on my face for the day and I function, but I'm just coping. I realize this must be a trust deal. It's like I keep giving God my hand and then I snatched it back. Please Lord I pray just release me from this uncertainty I feel. The anxiety of it all has me climbing walls. And then finally as my eyes decide to close the clock goes off and I have to face yet another day. I pick up Jesus Calling and God answers... I'm quoting out of order but this is what my Lord had to say "It is not so much adverse events that make you anxious as it is your thoughts about those events. Your mind engages in efforts to take control of a situation, to bring about the result you desire." He goes on to answer that my "part is to trust" and close to the end reminds me that I forget that he is in control of my life...because he is Lord!!! I wish somehow I could buy the whole world this life saving, changing little book, all I can say is thank you Sarah Young for using the Lord's word to remind me daily that it all depends on trust.

Communication

It's not always what you say, but how you say it and sometimes that you attempted to say anything at all. Communication comes in various forms via your body language or showing up as support, listening and of course talking. The goal is to be effective at it. Most people find themselves repeating the same things over and over because they never feel heard especially if there is no resolution at the end of the conversation. Many couples feel so misunderstood when they communicate that they turn to outside allies for validation. We've all heard the expressions..."I just want to be heard" or "it would be nice if you listened." Lack of communication is the source of great frustration and the break down of relationships on so many levels. It would be nice if we learned how to take turns speaking and listening the same way we learn to read and write and for advanced courses we could learn to mirror it back by restating what we just heard..."what I hear you saying" helps the speaker hear how the listener received the information and creates a dialogue for clearing up any misunderstandings right away. Let's work harder at having less one sided conversations and really become effective in all facets of communication. Remember you are not the only one with something to say.

Big cousin, little cousin

Today has been super funny, we played date crashers on my daughter's first dinner date. The joy was not the WOW expression on the children's faces even though that was funny as ever, but watching the roles reverse as I use to be the overprotective big cousin and now my little cousin is doing the same with my daughter. I remember when him and his brother were just my babies. I'm forever grateful to my cousin and his wife for starting this birthday tradition and making the road trip just to spend time with my baby!!! I love you both!!!

Dont block your blessings

Learning to say thank you instead of thank you but no thank you comes with accepting the blessings God has lined up for you. Someone said "you are so lucky." My response was No, I'm blessed and with that blessing I'm grateful that they saw in me what I always knew was there, but once revealed that I had the courage to say yes and accept the blessing in front of me. Don't just think when God sends a blessing your way that the giver doesn't become a recipient as well. They just sowed into your life which opened a glorious flow in their life and if you are wise you will immediately pay it forward in whatever fashion God has allowed for you to give. Time, conversation, a trade because what you have to offer doesn't have to be just monetary, people give so much more when its not about money. When it is sharing your testimony or lending a hand. If we all learned to be givers, life would have no room for takers.

May 17th

My baby may not be a baby anymore, but she'll always be my baby. I don't think it took rocket science to figure out that tonights topic would be about the prettiest girl in my world. We made it to day 17 of 17 which is my baby's 17th birthday. I started this month off with a gift and a card for each of the 17 days. A journey of sorts with small tokens carefully hidden right in plain sight. No rhyme or reason, no special time of the day, just the anticipation of something different everyday. It became so much fun to watch her look and then be surprised at the oddest finds. It was more for the memory to know one day she would look back and think while how cool was that or for it to be a good conversation piece when she told her own children the story. For me it is realizing that soon things will be different. Her mother yes; I will forever be, but once she's grown the dynamics shift, so I took this year, "her lucky number" to grant a few wishes and plant her smiles forever in my heart!!!

Feeling some kind of way

I'm feeling some kind of way...wondering what do you want, what would you like to know. Stuck somewhere between really and Wtf...excuse my potty mouth but I'm grown. Don't try to pin me with a label today after months, even years of not acknowledging me. Save the fake concern and urgent tone...you don't give a **** insert your favorite four letter word.

Silence is a safe place

A woman of few words I have never been, but most recent events in my life have made silence a safe place for me; one of peace at times, a place of refuge at others. This morning I was having one of my frequent conversations with God asking him to teach me how to pray. This has been an ongoing conversation between the two of us since my mind runs a million miles a minute rarely pausing for breaks not even when it should be at rest. I start my prayer with Thank you Lord as I do each day and then I go from prayer to my one sided dialogue because I need help learning to pray, but on this day my rambling ran short and I was left with just my silence. In that moment I found myself basking in his glory realizing his answer came through the silence. That I don't have to always pray with multiple words, because he already knows everything about me with an added bonus of knowing that he also already has it all figured out. So I can take peace in my lack of words and this time silence is really okay!!!