I've Learned

2012 began as the year of Journey for me and what I've learned is that you can still be in love with someone that has caused you pain and if you stop trying to "get over it" and instead just "get past it" you don't have to replace the love in your heart with bitterness. I have also learned that it is my hurt and no one can place a time limit on how long it takes my heart to heal. If I had lost my husband to death just a year ago, people would say she just needs time; well one of the most important parts of your life should not be bound by a clock. I learned how to Grieve.

I've learned that the broken hearted don't get a day off. There are no vacation days, sick time or bereavement. So I learned to cry silently in bathroom stalls on my breaks or in the shower not to alarm my child. I learned to put on a smile even if it didn't go with my outfit. I learned to make it through yet another holiday. I learned how to function off of no sleep. I learned that this is my New Normal.

I've learned that you can't change the past by wishing it would be different. You can talk about it forever but it will not change the facts. Now that you have the events memorized you must decide if they will forever have power over you or if you will decide to take power over them. I learned how to be My OWN Super Hero.

I've learned that two people can look at the same picture at the same time and see something totally different. Not making anyone right or wrong. I've learned to agree to Disagree.

I've learned that my value and status are not tied to my financial well being. Those that have money are poor in other areas and those that lack money are rich in other ways. I've learned my bank account does not determine my Worth.

I've learned that family is not always your friend and that some friends are more of your family and this is okay. We don't choose our bloodline. I've learned that I don't have to feel bad about being closer to my Circle.

I've learned that most people are too busy pointing out other's wrongs to recognize their own fingers pointing back at them. I am so guilty of this so I learned to look in the Mirror.

I've learned that not asking is not always enough, not accepting is also a requirement. I've learned that if it comes with conditions then it wasn't from the Heart.

I've learned that because of some serious abandonment issues that I have been seeking the approval of others ALL of my life. I've learned to Approve of Myself. 

I've learned that I don't owe anyone an explanation for my decisions...good, bad or indifferent. I have to live with my choices, but as an adult I have learned to live with my Consequences. 

I learned that parenting does not come with a handbook and that learning from my own errors as a parent, I learned to let my parents off the hook for all that I didn't think they got right. I have learned that people do their Best with the information they Have.

I learned that you can't make others respect you. I learned to Respect myself.

I learned that the goal of most parents is to see their child happy and that I feel the same, so when I get a chance to put a smile on my daughters face, I learned that it is worth making whatever SACRIFICE.


I learned that Sasha (my nickname for my weight) wasn't ready to go. I was already going through one major event in my life this year and I just was not ready to put in the work required to let go and she probably was my comfort at times. So I learned that sometimes you just can't do everything all at once. I've learned that losing weight is a lifetime event and that even when I am failing, I am still Trying. 

This year has brought about lessons that I didn't necessarily set out to learn, but as I vowed to be transparent with my fears, shortcomings, pains, mistake, poverty, homelessness, domestic abuse and rape. As I unveiled the mask that I had become comfortable hiding behind it became uncomfortable for me as well as others that were accustom to me handling things quietly. When I learned that my Voice had volume and needed to be heard. That is when I learned that I was ready to GROW. 


One of the most important things I learned over this year of Journey or JourNEI as I like to call it changing the end to represent my nickname. I learned that if your testimony reaches just ONE person then it makes your TRUTH worth sharing. 

I've learned that you may not know My Story, like it or even understand it but if you know my GOD then you know I have LEARNED that he alone is ENOUGH!!!