Better version of me

The devil came to fight today and I allowed him going round for round. At the end of each three minute bout; one of us alternating the victors spot. Exhausted by the mental exertion it takes to reduce oneself to the devils lot. Disappointed in myself for allowing rage to drive the character out of me; as I watch the better version of me shift so comfortably into the monster I use to be. I hurt as stumble off of my love walk, watching all of my work crumbled with every poisonous shout. Beating you down on the verbal playground did not give me strength. I gained no power by slaying your masculinity. Ashamed and wondering how did I allow myself to be taken there? Yes you were aggressive; but I wasn't fearful, maybe it was my refusal to be intimidated, but what did I gain? A fist full of tears and increased fears that I can't stay true to the better version of me. Praying to God that I want to be more like him, thanking him as he accepts my repentance, forgiving me for I am only human. Regaining my focus ever so slowly, listening as the word says this will get worse before it gets better, but if you put your trust in me, you will have no need to ever enter the devils arena.