A Giving Heart

I'm nervous that my heart isn't in it. I believe in tithes and offerings, but I'm learning about seed. I was moved and all ready to sow seed today and then unable because we never found anyone to collect and my thoughts of I will just do it online turned into but now I need to do this or I did that and I just can't see it in my budget now, but that must be what's wrong with the budget. I'm holding on so tight. I give to others, picking up lunch or paying for the kids to get in the game. I'll give my last to a stranger and the homeless can make a living off of me, but giving to increase my own blessings I still hesitate. Am I afraid of going broke or afraid of the doors God will open up if I redirected my giving heart?