"What are you going to do with the next twenty years?" My therapist asked after the first session. Right away he wanted me to start thinking about living for tomorrow. In hindsight he was hoping that I would stop living in the past. One of his favorite analogies is that I don't need the slave master to force me into bondage. I've made abuse my prison for so long that I voluntarily lock the door and put on the shackles. My sick happiness, simply because I know no better.
And now here I am on the heals of a monumental number that I couldn't even dream of before and I'm ready to think ahead. To begin to cherish the moments and not wallow in yesterday's sorrow. To live again as if there might not be a tomorrow. To laugh and play, to have a string of good days just because. My only look back on the past twenty will be to give my testimony; from this day forward life is only about teachable moments. I embrace the good with the bad that is what built my muscles, lol I'm not even a fan of that Mary Mary song. However, I am a fan of the strength I continue to gain that will help me destroy the wall of pain I've built around me. Sadly I believed that if I never moved outside of the walls of hurt that it couldn't get any worse. Dying having lived a dead life is worse than facing the fact that I might just be happy if I just accept what was. I can't change it, but I can make each moment forward better. God might not give me one more second, but I'm going to live that second like it is the next twenty!! I'm coming ALIVE in MY LIFE!!!
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