My self-esteem needs a make over

I've spent my life proving that I'm more than my pretty brown eyes and big ole thighs. Please look at my smile and respond before reacting to my behind. And now here I am battling feeling worthless because of your selfish departure. Broken by the blatant disregard, can't spare fifteen minutes on a proper goodbye. My need for closure has me exposing the ugly side of my self esteem. It's not that the goodbye wasn't heard with every lie or maybe it came from the other woman's voice, you know the vow disbeliever or in the pain facing your blame for being a non conceiver. Goodbye has come in many different languages all translated to pain or shame, doubt and insecure. So I cry and stumble as the foundation crumbles. Disappointed because who wants to get over another broken heart. Fearful not of falling in love again, but of falling out and having to revisit this process again. All I hear is pray, Lord forgive me if I can't make it to my knees, I'm stuck on this floor wondering why I wasn't enough. My self esteem is in need of a make over because my mind is working double time trying to teach my heart that love is patient and kind, that it keeps no records of wrong and does not have motives that include selfish or greed. So the mind is fighting an uphill battle confused on how this was love. Smart enough to know that what's damaged comes from deep inside and as that phrase goes that sounds like fingernails across the chalk board, "work on you" this is where the make over begins.